Your life won't ever matter to anyone else if it doesn't matter to you, first. Even self-defeatests like Edgar Allen Poe, don't kid yourself. That guy had ambition, despite what appeared to be a severe state of depression. In fact, his lofty ambitions are probably what led to his depression in the first place.
Someone said, "It's far better to set your goals too high and miss them, than to set them too low and reach them." I think that's pretty profound. There are too many under achievers on this rock.
But that's why I've decided to pursue musical performance. I've had it with mediocrity. I'm one of those guys who's good at a lot of stuff but great at nothing. Jack of all trades, master of none. I'm a corporate employee, a real estate investor, a bartender, a martial artist, a poker player, a chess player, a guitarist. And I'm pretty good at all of those things, but I'm not great at any of them.
Guitar is my first love. I got my first baby six-string when I was 10 years old, but it sat in a corner for two two years. I started learning to play when I was 12 on my mom's classical guitar. Imagine "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on nylon strings. But I played that sucker till my fingers bled, literally. (I didn't play with a pick at that time, so that happened pretty quickly.)
I got serious about playing when I was 12 and joined my church music group here in Kentucky. After learning all the chords, one of the guys in the church band introduced me to the concept of scales and trills and such, although I mainly focused on chords and rhythm. Then, one Christmas I got a '77 Aries II electric guitar, and a 9-volt miniature amp with a hip-clip. The guitar was really beat up and didn't work well, so the revolution didn't happen right away.
I spent most of high-school playing acoustic, and my first influence was Eric Clapton's Unplugged album, released in 1992. I managed to get my hands on the cassette tape that year (I didn't have a CD player yet) and my guitar was tuned to that tape. I spent hours playing along with Signe, Before You Accuse Me, Lonely Stranger, Layla, and had Tears In Heaven down so well that I played it for my first live performance outside the church.
That performance was at an event called Senior Night Live at a local Catholic High School. I wasn't a student there, but my best friend at the time was and I played the event in concert with him. Tears in Heaven got a rousing, standing ovation. That was my junior year of high school, which was the same year my parents split up. It was a nasty break, and with the chaos and lack of support it created, my music ambitions were snuffed out as I bailed out and joined the Navy.
Long story short, that led to a whirlwind of changes that landed me broke, homeless and car-less in 1997, easily the worst year of my life to date. During that time, my focus on music waned considerably, and although I had my guitar, my song-writing and practice had diminished greatly as I struggled to survive. By the end of the year, however, I had enough baggage that I was able to come out with some pretty decent songs that I still have in my bag today. The recovery from 1997, however, came in the form of a brand-new, relatively high-paying job at a Fortune 500 printer manufacturer. I was making $11.75 an hour doing tech support, working 50 - 60 hours a week with overtime pay. Compared to the $6.15 I was making at Radio Shack working 36 hours max per week, this was a godsend, effectively tripling my income.
Finally able to pay my debts and bills, I got my shit straightened out and in the process met my future wife. We're happily married to this day. The trade-off for my financial success, however, was the that guitars went the way of the closet, collecting dust. Mostly this was because I had left my guitars at my mom's house when I was homeless and, since she and I were not on speaking terms, I hadn't gotten them back. After we patched things up, the guitars came back but by then my interest had focused to my new job and the first good woman I'd ever been with.
Said woman was actually instrumental (no pun intended) in reviving my interest when she spent a great deal of her hard-earned money to purchase me a very sweet, natural finish Simon and Patrick Luthier acoustic 6-string, my third guitar (not counting the baby-acoustic that I never really played.) I played the living hell out of that thing and my love for the instrument was rekindled.
The job then took us to Orlando, Florida, just a few months after we were married. While there, my career sky-rocketed and the promotions and raises were flowing well. My focus again shifted to the career, and a new love entered my life: poker. It started out as a game between friends, but as I watched the movie Rounders and began to research poker on the Internet, I realized that there was much more to it. This was in 2000, and the poker boom was just starting to brew, although I was oblivious to it. It was just coincidence that I started playing at that time.
Through countless hours of reading and practicing online, I became quite learned and was regularly cleaning up the table at our home games. Poker is addictive, and although I had recently purchased a very cool new guitar rig with my new-found wealth, I was hooked. My new Fender American Strat and HotRod Deville 410 sat virtually unused.
As an inexperienced card player, it didn't occur to me that regularly crushing my opponents in our no-limit games would lead to the death of that game. People don't like to show up every week and leave broke, and that's exactly what happened. I also hadn't developed the class to lose graciously, and so even when people won they left with a bad taste in their mouths. As the games became more and more difficult to assemble, I found out that some of my friends had musical talents and I picked up a bass player (Sean) and a drummer (Adam,) as well as a rhythm guitarist and lyricist (Darrin.) My brother (Matt) had bought me Cakewalk's GuitarTracks 2 recording software, and I invested money in Shure SM57 microphones, an ART DI/O pre-amp, a BOSS DR-670 Drum Machine, cables, etc., and we began recording a few rudimentary covers, as well as one original called "Another Day" derived from a great poem that Darrin had written.
Disaster struck in late 2002 when, as a second-in-command manager at our site in Orlando, I deduced that the call center would be closing. Uncertain as to our future, our "band" which consisted of all employees of the same company, had to concern ourselves with our financial futures and our project was put on hiatus. Luckily, all four of us were able to secure jobs back at the Lexington plant, and my new house had a huge basement, perfect for recording. All this time I had kept poker games going, however, and they were still my primary interest. The basement was also perfect for tables and chairs to host larger, more frequent games. I basically balanced my time between poker and guitar.
My career at work had leveled off, so there was ample time for practice and recording. As tends to happen with bands, however, things did not go well. Scheduling practice time was a challenge, and Adam just plain sucked at drums. I'd even sunk $500 into a basic drum set for him to use, and while he knew how to play, he just couldn't keep rhythm to save his life. And getting him to show up for practice was also a pain in the ass. Darrin then informed us that he had decided to pursue a career in stand-up comedy, and wouldn't be able to devote much time to our fledgling band, Unsung. To his credit, Darrin gave us plenty of notice and is today poised to find real success. He and I remain friends, so here's a plug for him:
http://www.darrinhensley.com/. Darrin's a real good guy and has been a very important influence on my music ambitions. He's got an incredible wealth of knowledge not only about bands and musician, but he has a keen sense of the true meaning behind music and continues to impress that knowledge on me.
So anyway, the band broke up, but this time I kept up with my playing and spent hours each week listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan, John Lee Hooker, old-school Clapton, mostly blues rock and the like. My wife started a dog-breeding business and I kept playing poker, so we each had some side money to work with. That's when we started getting into the idea of investing in real estate and bought our first rental property. We still own it and it still makes money. It's a pretty cool concept to have someone paying you every month for the privilege of buying you a house.
I also picked up a couple new guitars at that time, an Ovation 12-string and then an Ovation 6-string. I also got a Strawberry Blonde acoustic amp, and the setup is very sweet. The poker thing went south as I blew my bankroll on an ill-fated venture that ended up being illegal in the end, although I was never caught. I decided the risk was too great and shut it down, but never recovered the thousands of dollars I'd invested in it. I still play, but on a limited basis.
Countless layoffs and financial upheaval in my company led me recently to make a decision. See, I've failed in countless ways at all the things I've tried to do, and almost always it's been a result of a lack of commitment on my part. My counselor explained that it's really pretty unhealthy to be a jack of all trades, without mastering anything. I took that to heart. Recently I was introduced (by Darrin) to the MySpace community site, and they have a very strong focus on music. I've been talking to some bands who are looking for musicians, one of which has label sponsorship and corporate backing. So I decided that it's time to make the commitment and give this guitar thing my all.
Having been "self-taught" (whatever that means) I decided to swallow my pride and started taking lessons from a local guitar instructor, David McClean (
http://www.skinnydevil.com/). Having 16 years of playing under my belt, I blew through the first four levels in a matter of days. In the advanced material, I'm learning steadily and my playing has improved three-fold and continued to get better.
That brings us to Tuesday. I auditioned for a local drummer and bass player, and they seem to have liked what they heard. I've been asked to join as a power trio, basically, and we've got 16 covers and one original that we're currently working on. This group is a little more southern rock than I am, but it'll be a good experience for sure. I'm actually really excited, but it became clear very quickly that I have a LOT of work to do. I'm practicing night and day, hating the nine hours a day I waste in this corporate box, but making good progress.
My real inhibition right now is that, as a trio, I'm carrying lead and rhythm guitar, as well as lead vocals, all on my own. This is a real challenge, and we're open to the idea of a lead singer who plays rhythm guitar. They said a female lead tends to work best, but I'm sure they'd be open to anything. (So if you're a budding James Hetfield or Gwen Stefani here in central Kentucky, gimme a shout!) But, come hell or high water, we're gonna get some gigs and I'm gonna get some stage time. I'm gonna see this thing through to the end this time, and now there's a written commitment here on the Internet for all to see.
So if you wanna come with me, have a seat. It's all uphill from here.
